Love - when seen through biological lens.

In my previous post i wrote about love. That was a psychological perspective of Love. There is a more interesting way in which we can look at love - Biologically.

Love is a feeling, an emotion aroused inside a person. Each emotion in human is associated with a particular enzyme. If we speak in the words of Bio-chemistry, enzyme is a chemical. So, our emotions are controlled by chemicals. For example, higher levels of 'homocysteine', a chemical in blood is known to cause anger in individual.
The feelings of attraction and love are associated with few chemicals called Phenyl-Ethyl-Amine(PEA), norepinephrine and Dopamaine. When researchers use a functional magnetic resonance imaging to see the brain of people in love, the scan shows increased blood flow in areas of the brain with high concentrations of above mentioned chemicals.

Well here is a tricky situation, U go walking along the street, when u see a beautiful girl go straight across to her and inject PEA and dopamaine to her, what do u think is gonna happen?? Believe it or not she will be attracted to you, she will have the feelings of love towards you.. This concept has been doing rounds since centuries, in an encapsulated way. Well, you cant go inject the PEA to the person u like but if u can initiate PEA secretion in that person's brain, your job is half done, that person will be attracted to you. How to do it? dont ask me....But certain fragnance and aromas are known to cause secretion of PEA and related chemicals in humans.. That is why u are advised to go to a romantic evening with a good perfume on and with fresh flowers.. Well which perfume in the market is the best for that? again, dont ask me.. But a scent found in human sweat is known to make one attractive to opposite sex. Chemical components called pheromones which are present in sweat are responsible for this attraction. So i would say, next time you go to meet ur love, wear that sweaty T-shirt u wore for the work out the other day.

Dopamine, norepinephrine and phenyl-ethyl-amine is responsible for that giddiness,racing heartbeat, flushed skin and sweaty palms, which happens when u are attracted to someone and when first falling in love(can i call it infatuation?). .Also, people in love have lower levels of serotonin, a finding in people with obsessive behavior disorders, which also explains why those in love tend to be “obsessed about their partner.” Neural circuits associated with the way you assess others during this time are suppressed too, so you become less critical of those you love. Suppression of these neural circuits makes one lose his ability to think rationally—at least when it comes to the object of his attraction. The old saying “love is blind” is very accurate in this stage. We become oblivious to any flaws our partner might have. We idealize them and can’t get them off our minds. This overwhelming preoccupation and drive is part of our biology.

Well these chemicals cause feelings of attraction, love and lust in the initial stages of a relationship. Lets get deeper now. What do u mean when u say " I love you"?. Well we can answer it taking a simple example. when i say " I love chocolates", i simply mean i enjoy the taste of chocolate. Similarly when i say "I Love you", it means "I enjoy touching your body,” or “I enjoy believing that i am secure & protected when with you,” or “I enjoy having sex with you.” In love, one looks for satisfaction in all the various titillating parts of the body. But there is more, "I love you" means i have a sense of absolute belonging and acceptance with you.

PEA and dopamine act in initial stages of love causing raising heart beats, sweaty palms etc.. But as the relationship progresses this feelings of lust will not be there. A relationship becomes more practical,it faces unforeseen problems and distractions. During this stage vasopressin and Oxytocin predominates. These are hormones associated with the formation of long-term, monogamous relationships. These two chemicals explain why passionate love fades as attachment grows.

"I Love you" is not as simple as" I love chocolates", It means more. Real love is a love beyond “making love;” it is a love that exists beyond lack and limitation. A love that involves a sort of ecstasy of being matter of the soul and not of the body.

Courtesy: Dr. Grace Carole; Few biological and chemical details taken from Dr. Grace Carole's articles and publications.

What is Love??

I get this question quite often in my mind.. I try to answer myself, wander around some ideas and give up without coming to any conclusion.
This question again stuck me when i was watching the movie 'Awarapan' few days back. The guy there is totally lost. In some parts of the movie you can actually feel the emptiness that he has in his life. As the movie started i was like 'comeon how can someone be so much obsessed about a girl when she is already dead'. But belive me it happens. Love is such a strong emotion.
Is it an Obsession? is it exaggeration of emotion?Or is it a decision?
Many say that It becomes impossible to stop thinking about someone. even if they try to forget, they cant.. They dont stay in touch, they dont speak to each other for months, years.. but still that feeling of Love will be so strong. Does it mean that u dont have to be in contact with the person to love that person? this is what is happening to Emran hashmi in Awarapan, he is so in love with her even though the girl is no more...

Then it means that love is a feeling associated with oneself.. People create an ideal personality of a person in their mind and love that personality. they dont actually love the person, they are loving the personification of the person in their mind. Yes, when someone says that i want to stop loving her, that is why i have stopped being in touch with her these days, then, they are not addressing the problem. The problem is in their mind.. If they really want to, they have to take off that 'Person' that they have in their mind....

Love is a decision. A subconsious decision that one makes that he cant deny even if he wants to. To Unlove is also a decision. A decision which should override all the emotions and resistances one may face to Unlove someone. In most cases when people say 'i cant stop thinking about her, i cant stop loving her', it does not mean they cant, it means they dont want to.. Even if the person says he wants to forget someone, the subconsious will not let him because that subconsious doesn't want to lose the beautiful feeling of love. It ultimately leads to pain to that person. Pain of love. But is it actually Pain?? One of my kannada masters used to say, 'There is satisfaction in Pain, Once pain becomes a habit, the person is actually satisfied by taking pain'. To quote the exact phrase - " Bhoga dante vyasanavu ondu hambala devi.."- phrase from a drama- Yayathi.

Ok this is what exactly i was telling you before, whenever there comes a keeda in my mind, i try to figure out things and as always end up nowhere. This time the keeda was the movie 'Awarapan'. I was thinking what is wrong with this guy.Ya he loved her, but now she is no more and its illogical to keep thinking about her, why cant he move on. But the truth is that Love is illogical, he is not moving on in life because he doesnt want to, he cant stop thinking about her because he doesnt want to. Do you call it the madness, do u think that guy is freakish crazy. Yes he is.. thats why the name - Awarapan. In the movie he says "What am i doing, why am i doing all the things i am doing, Why am i running from people, where will i hide, I have always been hiding, whereever i go i cant hide and escape from the fact that i Love her, i cant hide myself from my feelings towards her, No its impossible"..

Uff pretty confusing isnt it.. If i continue to think i will screw up my logic. Actually Psychology is fun and interesting but too much Psychology can screw up your life and make you a real psycho. Trying to figure out logic behind every action and every thought is what psychology does. In this endeavour psychology can lead to an endless loop with no way out making a real Bheja Fry out of a person..

U know how we turn to god to seek help and answers for our unsolved mysterious questions.. Well these days Google is my god because i try to seek answers through google. I know the answer is out somewhere, but the difficult part is to find and reach that answer..

So, i tried googling about psychology of love and got few interesting insights...

Compassionate vs. Passionate Love

According to psychologist Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues, there are two basic types of love: compassionate love and passionate love. Compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection, and trust. Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and shared respect for each other.
Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety, and affection. When these intense emotions are reciprocated, people feel elated and fulfilled. Unreciprocated love leads to feelings of despondence and despair. Hatfield suggests that passionate love is transitory, usually lasting between 6 and 30 months. According to Hatfield, passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal lover, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person. Ideally passionate love then leads to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. While most people desire relationships that combine the security and stability of compassionate with the intensity of passionate love, Hatfield suggests that this is rare.

Romantic love is made up of three elements:
Attachment: The need to be cared for and be with the other person.
Caring: Valuing the other persons happiness and needs as much as your own.
Intimacy: Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person.

Every person has an ideal combination of these elements that will make up his 'idea of love'.